Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
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