Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
