she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
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You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
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