the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
