Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
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Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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