i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
