Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize