I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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