You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You made out with two different species that night
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
