so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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