You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
