I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
