At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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