its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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