Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Randomize
