Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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