my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
