Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
