I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
