i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
