I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
