mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
sex in a hospital.. check
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Pooping to opera.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
