There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
