you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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