Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
