i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
