i think my tv is drunk
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My vagina is officially offended.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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