It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
