Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
