If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize