What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
