you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
