the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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