Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
