there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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