Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
