I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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