all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Everyone says I win the strip club
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted