My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
