I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
