I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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