you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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