yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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