Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
