She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
