I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
