pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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