I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
