Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
