Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
