I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize