I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
