I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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