At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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