so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
